We failed our first pre-marital class.

Kind of.

It really depends on who you ask.

But there we were, young pups, just over the legal drinking age, sitting in our church’s pre-marital class with dozens of other couples, awaiting the results of the personality test we’d taken the week before to find out if we were “compatible” or not as a couple.

We were told that the test was used all over the world. We were told that it was very accurate and would reveal a lot about our relationship. We were told that sometimes couples choose to delay or call off their weddings because of what the test unearths. We were told.

We sat together, not worried at all. We were confident, actually. Maybe too confident. We were just sure that the results would demonstrate exactly one thing: that we were perfect for each other. They’d pass us with perfect scores and flying colors. They would throw confetti and cheer.

This is your first and last pre-marital class, Amy and Jordan!
You’re 100% compatible!
You will have the best marriage in the history of marriages!
In fact, here’s the microphone! Why don’t YOU teach US!

We wish we could say that’s how it happened. We wish we could say that nothing happened, actually, that we just passed the test like everyone else and walked out of the class.

But we didn’t pass.

But we didn’t pass. The test was supposed to reveal that each person was a distinct kind of animal: lion, beaver, golden retriever, or otter. Lions are strong and decisive. Beavers are rule-followers and detail/task-oriented. Golden retrievers are calm, friendly, and loyal. And, then, there are otters, the social butterflies who love two things: being around people and love having fun. The closest fictional character to the otter is Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, if that gives you an idea. One otter per couple is fine, but two under one roof is the only combination doomed for marital failure, as we found out. In front of everyone. 
“There is one couple that we need to see after class whose tests turned up otter-otter,” the teacher announced. “We need to talk to you after class. Everyone else may go!” We sunk down in our chairs. As we made the walk of shame to the front of the class, our hearts sank. This was the opposite of confetti. As we listened to the teachers explain their concern for our future marriage, that “nothing gets done” and “households fall apart” in a house made of otters, we felt horrified. When we left the principal’s office front of the room, we started to question ourselves, until we got home and found out one of nature’s great truths:

Otters sleep are the only animals who sleep holding hands to avoid drifting apart. Seriously. Google it. We did.

We found out that not only are otters nature’s only animals who hold hands while they sleep, they do it while they eat, too. In fact, otters are so serious about staying together that they are actually known to wrap sea plants around themselves  just to secure the bond.

Take that, personality test!

From that point on, we decided that as long as we acted like real otters, we’d be just fine…

Pink Slips_0003

Want to catch up on The Pink Slip Files? You can read them all right here:

Intro: What Are the Pink Slip Files?
No. 1: Failing Pre-Marital Class & Otter DNA
No. 2: Sink or Swim
No. 3: Turning Off the Lights
No. 4: Leave a Message at the Tone
No. 5: Chocolates, Mystery Shows & Honeymooning
No. 6: Cutting Coupons & Wal-Mart Jeans
No. 7: Paper Chains of Memories
No. 8: Dancing on Bar Tops
No. 9: Man’s Best (Feline) Friend
No. 10: Confessions of a Waffle Fry
No. 11: What’s So Important About Shoelaces?
No. 12: Breaking Records… Like It’s 1924
No. 13: Why We’re Not as Classy as We Thought
No. 14: A Letter to My Only Starbucks Lover
No. 15: The Night We Killed Someone (Kind Of)
No. 16: Lord, It’s a Fire!

 

14 comments

    Heidi Bartlett

    Yep, it's true. I'm gonna love this series. Love this story and your perspective on the situation. And, who doesn't want to be known as being fun and loves being around people?! I'm in. Can I join your otter romp? (I just looked up what a group of otters is called and it's a romp. It makes me want to join the group even more.) :)

    Heidi Bartlett

    Yep, it's true. I'm gonna love this series. Love this story and your perspective on the situation. And, who doesn't want to be known as being fun and loves being around people?! I'm in. Can I join your otter romp? (I just looked up what a group of otters is called and it's a romp. It makes me want to join the group even more.) :)

    Amy & Jordan

    Ha ha! This. Is. Amazing. Umm... YES! Consider yourself the first official member of The Romp: A Club for Otters in Love.

    Ha ha! This. Is. Amazing. Umm... YES! Consider yourself the first official member of The Romp: A Club for Otters in Love.

    Ryan Gotcher

    LOVE this post!! You guys are my favorite otters in the world!

    Ryan Gotcher

    LOVE this post!! You guys are my favorite otters in the world!

    Amy & Jordan

    Thanks, Ryan! You're awesome! You and Denise can join our club if you want, too :-)

    Thanks, Ryan! You're awesome! You and Denise can join our club if you want, too :-)

    Ashley Durham

    That is just the truth right there. And let's just call it - out of all those critters, otters are definitely the coolest. :P

    Amy & Jordan

    Bahaha we so agree Ashley! We so agree :)

    THIS is great! A two-otter household! Y'all better not push your luck and get a pet otter haha :) I took the animal personality profile test several years ago and came back as an otter! My husband, a beaver, and I joke nonstop about our differences in doing things - I'm all like, "Where's the party at? And the snacks? Let's say hi to everyone here!" and he's planning the party, and buying the snacks, and helping guests park their cars. But for real, otters can get things done (y'all are proof of that!) We just want it to be FUN along the way :)

    Amy & Jordan

    Haha! SO true and funny! Lol! Yes, we otters can get things done. But like always say, word hard and play hard!

    Cash for car melbourne

    Cash for car

    Letty Williams

    Your blog has made me smile and I have even had the slight feeling of shedding a tear. But not from sadness.. just out of the beauty that you two exude through these posts. Your hearts have been eloquently exposed for us all to join into and I absolutely adore it! I'm a Beaver and an Otter. My husband is a Lion through and through. Some have told us we won't survive. But have you seen the videos of Lions who are playful with the small puppies and so gentle? That's my Lion. He roars and he protects. But he is the gentlest Lion around. I tell him that I love his gentle strength. So I'm happy to know that others had the courage to stand against the tests and find the reasons why it could work! You go otter rompers!! You guys have really lifted my spirits in just a few posts! Thank you! ????